he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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