this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
