Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
