Don't you send me to vm
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
