what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
