i can't believe i had my finger in that
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize