think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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