So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
