The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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