How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
