i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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