dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
