i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
