Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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