he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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