90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
