so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
