If i come over, it means nothing
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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