I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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