The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
