Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
