so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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