First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
