Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize