So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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