I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize