I puked a lego.
he puts the penis in happiness.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I FOUND THE LEGS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
