she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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