Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
