Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
