i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
