I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
