my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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