He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
