Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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