PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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