exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
