hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
