Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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