i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
