OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
