Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
