When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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