so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
