youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
