Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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