i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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