You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
