EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
