i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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