When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
