dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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