i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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