Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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