he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
