The maid of honor just puked.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
