and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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