youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
