that's an acceptable place to lick
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
