if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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