dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize