I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
