"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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