are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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