He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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