Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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